I’ve been a self-proclaimed grandma for as long as I can remember. When I was younger (I’m talking kindergarten) my favourite show was The Weather Network. THE WEATHER CHANNEL. I memorized all of the meteorologist’s names and knew their schedules. Normal kids were watching Sponge Bob and here I am learning about the high-pressure front that’s blowing in from the east.
Some other early grandma mannerisms included reading 400 page novels in one day and refusing to run around on the playground at recess because I thought it was childish. Instead, at school, my friends and I would create elaborate skits with complex storylines and preform them in front of our fourth-grade class.
The only time in my life where I remember not being a grandma, was for three horrendous years in junior high. Maybe I should do a separate blog post on how much of a disaster that was. For anyone who knew me in Jr.High, I am so deeply sorry. I was so hyper and annoying. I also really enjoyed making this one teacher’s life miserable. My math teacher, Ms.Albers! I’m especially sorry to her.
Anyways, if you think that you may be a 20-something grandma, and you’re sick of waiting for a diagnosis, I’m here to give you one. If you agree with any of the following statements, congratulations! Please pick up your one-of-a-kind electric chair lift on the way out.
- When your coworkers ask you “What did you do this weekend?” you have to think really hard about how you can make doing laundry and grocery shopping sound exciting
- If a friend asks you to meet up any time after 8 p.m., you suddenly have laryngitis
- You get a rush of adrenaline when you find out cheese is on sale at the store
- You have to be home by a reasonable time every day so you can watch HGTV for the rest of your life
- You think farmers markets and craft shows are better than dancing at clubs
- You don’t understand rap
- You dream of retirement on a daily basis
- Your favourite social media platform is Facebook
- You love baths
- You’ve pinned over 500 items on Pinterest
- Shopping for fun kitchen tools is more exciting than shopping for clothes
- You’re not opposed to joining your grandma for bingo
- You wish crocs were still socially acceptable (so comfy guys)
- Your vision is quickly deteriorating but luckily, you have the coolest tortoise shell eyeglasses in town
- A nice cold glass of lemon water is better than a nice terrible shot of vodka
I hope there are other 20-something grandma’s out there and I’m not crazy. If I missed anything, please notify me. As a grandma, my memory is fading quickly.