I had my first quarter-life crisis when I turned 20. I had my second one at 22, and I’m due to have another one any day now. Similar to a mid-life crisis, a quarter-life crisis is filled with existential dread and denial of the aging process. I don’t know why but I’ve always hated getting older. When I turn 30, I probably won’t have a party. I’ll just sit in my room crying while I watch Gilmore Girls. Ah to be youthful again.
This post probably sounds absolutely insane to any reasonable person. I just want to make it very clear that this post is not sarcasm. I really do believe that I am 70 years old. For everyone over the age of 30 reading this and thinking “oh dear god, this woman is 23 and she thinks she’s old??? Just wait till she gets her first grey hair!!” Jokes on you, I’m going to dye my hair for the rest of my life and never age!
Here are some signs that you’re having a quarter-life crisis, take it from an expert.
- You only listen to early 2000’s music and watch Gossip Girl from beginning to end at least once a year. Living in denial is fun! Some people may think that you’re bananas… B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Name that Gwen Stefani Song. I still sing that in my head every time I spell the word.
- You constantly complain about the youth of today and how they spend too much time on their iPads. Back in my day….. we played outside for fun!!! Except this isn’t true for me at all. I hated the outdoors. I stayed inside and played Nintendo 64, and then later Game Cube.
- You find yourself investing in obscene amounts of health supplements, vitamins, “superfoods” and anything else that will keep you young forever. I’ve been wearing anti-aging makeup since I was 17. True story.
- You panic because you realize you have no retirement savings. Did you know that you need a million dollars to retire comfortably?? Apparently you should also start saving in your 20’s! Ha! Who has extra money to save in their 20’s when you’re supposed to buy a house, get married, and have kids!! No pressure right!
- You really hate climate change because you want to live longer and not destroy the planet and die but everyone seems to be screwing that up for you. I can’t be the only one that thinks this.
- You question your career and education on a regular basis. Is this really what I want to do with the rest of my life? Did I spend four years in University for nothing? What if I never amount to anything?
- You freak out because people your age are starting to have kids. I can’t even keep a plant alive. I don’t think I should reproduce any time in the near future.
- You think about quitting your job to travel around the world. I know people who have done this and I’m jealous of them.
- You feel overwhelmed that time is going by way too fast. It feels like I just graduated high school yesterday but somehow its been five years. My 10 year reunion is going to be here in a blink of an eye! Reuniting with high school classmates also sounds stressful and overwhelming.
- You have younger family members who make you feel like you’re 107 years old. I have two step-siblings who are 10 and 12 years old, and I swear I’ve never felt more elderly than I do when I’m around them. Does anyone know what the app TikTok is?? Don’t worry, I didn’t either! I am no longer “hip” or “trendy” or “lit” I don’t know what the kids are saying these days.
Overall, if you feel like you’re having a quarter-life crisis, then you probably are! If you need more signs, this article has some great ones as well. I wish I had some tips for coping with the constant sadness of aging, but I don’t. If this blog post wasn’t relatable at all and I’m just some insane millennial with too much time on her hands, that’s okay. I accept it.